Bring it on

Photo: Alexander Milligan, puppets provided by Folkmanis

This summer in the South Bronx, a group of junior-high-school girls fromP.S. 218 gathered more than 200 signatures from friends and classmates. They wanted their school to provide what they weren’t getting from TV or books, or perhapseven from home: straight talk about sex.

You’ve got to give the kids credit for being proactive, but unfortunately, petitions alone aren’t likely to change the system. Although the Department of Health estimates that more than one in ten NYC public-school students are having sex before age 13, comprehensive sex education is elusive at best—even if your child’s school has award-studded halls. After all, however liberal we might consider ourselves here in the city, most NYC public high schools don’t offer free condoms to students. “It’s sad but true. If you leave sex education up to the schools, your kids will be left holding the bag,” says Adrienne Verrilli, spokesperson for the NYC-based Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States.

Luckily, school’s not the only place for your kids to hear honest discussions of sex. According to the most recent National Survey of Family Growth, parents influence kids’ decisions about sex more than friends, siblings or even the media do. And New York City (though no longer considered a den of iniquity by most) is littered with teachable moments—whether you’re on the subway, strolling by the Museum of Sex or walking past the Naked Cowboy in Times Square. “Everyday scenarios are a great way to start talking about sex,” says Amy Levine, a certified sexuality educator. “If your six-year-old sees a pregnant woman on the subway, share a simple message about a baby growing in the woman’s uterus for nine months.” Or, on an afternoon jaunt near Houston Street, use a billboard of a scantily clad model as an opportunity to chat with your older child about body image and the media.

Of course, there might be times when you want a more structured setting—a trained professional or facilitated support group—to help guide your child through the tougher stuff. Although there’s not as much out there for young people as you might hope (one expert TONY Kids called exclaimed, “Wow, we really should be doing something for children!”), there are a few options worth knowing about. For example, in celebration of October’s National Family Sexuality Education Month, the New York chapter of Planned Parenthood will host citywide programs and workshops for teens (call 212-965-7038 or visit ppnyc.org for more information).

Since many New York families don’t exactly hew to Sen. Rick Santorum’s concept of a nuclear family, sex education may not always begin with questions about intercourse, but rather with questions about sexual orientation and identity. “It’s important for kids to see that other families look like theirs,” says Terry Boggis, director of Center Kids at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center in Manhattan (208 W 13th Street at Seventh Avenue, 212-620-7310). The group offers recreational forums and support groups for children ages eight and under. The next Play Day session is planned for September 30 at 2pm (e-mail terry@gaycenter.org to preregister). Older kids can join COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere; colagenyc.org) for monthly get-togethers that include pizza, activities and frank conversation. “By the time kids get to be ten, nothing—from kids’ comments at school to donor insemination—is taboo,” says NYC chapter coordinator Dori Kavanagh.

If your child is 12 or older and longing for a feeling of community, The Door (44 Broome Street between Varick Street and Sixth Avenue, 212-941-9090) is a free, safe space to talk—and learn—about sex. The organization’s staff facilitates weekly meetings of a gay-straight alliance as well as discussion groups for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth. “One of the most incredible things about our programs is that the participants are able to share hopes, fears and resources without a lot of adult influence,” says LGBTQ counselor Reed Christian. Health educators are also available for free, one-on-one consultations about sex, relationships and family issues.

And don’t overlook what kids can teach one another. Teens ages 14 and up can apply to become peer educators with the Teen Health Initiative at the New York Civil Liberties Union. “We’re looking for high-school students who are interested in making connections between the issues they face and those that affect their communities,” says THI director Lee Che Leong. Applications are due by September 23; those chosen for the yearlong program meet weekly and are paid $7 to $9 an hour to design presentations for schools and organizations. For an application, visit the group’s website at nyclu.org/thi. While you’re there, take a moment to write to New York City Schools Chancellor Joel Klein and urge him to prioritize a comprehensive sex-education curriculum for every grade. With any luck, by the time your child’s child enters the school system and is ready to learn about sex, it’ll be in place.

Read all about it

These books about sex should be on kids’ shelves—and yours.

FOR THE KIDS

Photo: Alexander Milligan

How You Were Born by Joanna Cole and Margaret Miller (HarperTrophy, $7). Perfect for curious young children, this primer has full-color photos of developing fetuses, babies and a woman giving birth. It’ll help with any and all questions little ones might have about how a baby lives inside its mother and how a baby is born. Note: the book doesn’t cover the actual act of sex. Ages 4 and up.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

It’s NOT the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families, and Friends by Robie H. Harris (Candlewick Press, $17). A cartoon bird and bee usher children through the differences between boys and girls and take on the subject of where babies come from. The author has also written two other books for somewhat older kids, It’s Perfectly Normal and It’s So Amazing! Ages 4 and up.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

Where Did I Come From? by Peter Mayle (Carol Publishing Corporation, $10). A good pick for kids not quite ready for Our Bodies, Ourselves, this retro 1970s option has pages and pages of age-appropriate illustrations of the male and female anatomy. Since it’s an oldie but goodie, there’s a chance the content might seem a little familiar—your parents might have read it to you when you were a kid. Ages 4 and up.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

What’s the Big Secret? Talking About Sex with Boys and Girls by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown (Little, Brown; $7). Popular children’s-book authors tackle issues of reproduction and puberty with detailed cartoons and a conversational tone. Questions like “How do you tell boys and girls apart?” and “What does being pregnant mean?” are answered. Ages 5 and up.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

The “What’s Happening to My Body?” Book for Girls; The “What’s Happening to My Body?” Book for Boys by Lynda Madaras and Area Madaras (Newmarket Press, $13). With a factual, practical and reassuring voice, this mother-and-daughter team address puberty, emotional changes, masturbation, eating disorders, HIV/AIDS and STDs, contraception and more in these two books. Ages 8 and up.

FOR YOU

Photo: Alexander Milligan

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask) by Justin Richardson, M.D., and Mark Schuster, M.D. (Three Rivers Press, $15 ). Two doctors give parents candid advice about dealing with children’s sexuality “from high chair to high school,” stopping along the way at toddler sex play, masturbation, intercourse, homosexuality and birth control.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

The Real Truth About Teens & Sex by Sabrina Weill (Perigee, $15). A former magazine editor shares what she’s learned from teens’ letters, e-mails, and a large-scale survey, giving parents an insider’s look at what their kids are thinking, talking about—and doing. Topics include peer pressure, birth control, sex parties, losing your virginity and the role of the media.

Photo: Alexander Milligan

Sex & Sensibility: The Thinking Parent’s Guide to Talking Sense About Sex by Deborah M. Roffman (Perseus, $14). Combining practical advice, historical context and personal anecdotes about sex, this book (written by a former sex education teacher for children and adults) equips parents with the means to start conversations and gives reassurance that kids can make smart decisions.