Back Talk: October 2011

Illustration: Brendan Leach

My son has a very trendy name, and I’ve caught people rolling their eyes when they hear it. I don’t want my son to feel bad about his name. Any advice?

I once went to a play space in Williamsburg where there were two boys, one named Tiger and the other named Cougar—and they weren’t even related. It can’t be that bad, can it? The truth is, there’s a difference between an affected moniker and a just plain popular one. So if you’ve got a Henry or a Jack or a Theo, you have a name that’s become common in the city, but is still a great name. Why else would so many people choose it? And if you did name your son after a wild feline, whose business is it anyway? The next time you catch someone rolling their eyes, say, “Yes, it’s a great name, isn’t it?” There’s no need to apologize for what your son is called.

I know everyone loves a cute baby, but how can I politely stop people on the street from pawing my newborn?

Try draping a mosquito net or light blanket over the stroller—it’ll help block potential cheek pinchers. Holding your baby or toting her in a carrier? Simply back away when strangers come too close. Should they reach in, ask them to touch your baby’s cheek instead of her hand to decrease the spread of germs. Explain politely that you’re trying to minimize your baby’s contact with others for the first several months while her immune system is still so fragile. And if none of those strategies work, tell people that your baby has Coxsackie virus! Even if they don’t know what it is, it sounds horrible and contagious (which, in fact, it is). Here’s to betting they’ll move away before you even have time to explain.

I’m worried that some of the scary costumes on Halloween will frighten my very sensitive five-year-old daughter. Can I ask people wearing gruesome masks to remove them?

Are you going to dress up like Debbie Downer? Because that’s what you’ll be if you ask costumed revelers to remove their masks. It’s not other people’s responsibility to protect your daughter, it’s yours. So if you think all the Freddies and Pinheads and Bachmans (hey, she scares me!) on Halloween night will traumatize your daughter, keep her home. Or throw your own G-rated party where she can still dress up and bob for apples. And perhaps you could organize a kiddie hour of trick-or-treating in your building before sundown.

My partner and I are getting legally married next month, but our kids think we’ve been married for years (we had a commitment ceremony before they were born). How do we explain this?

You were married in your hearts and minds and in the hearts and minds of your family and friends, right? So you’re not liars: You are parents who tried to explain your family dynamic to your kids in simple terms that they would understand. Say something like, “We’ve always known we were married, and the people who love all of us have always known it, but now it’s exciting because the government of New York will know it too.” Your kids will ask questions; just answer them as best you can with honesty and compassion.

IN A QUANDARY? E-mail your parenting questions to our columnist at kids@timeoutny.com.