Back Talk: January/February 2012

A celebrity with a child my daughter’s age moved into our apartment building. Is it gauche to ask them for a playdate?

I live in Brooklyn, and—like every other Brooklynite parent, whether they admit it or not—I am positive that Maggie Gyllenhaal and I would be best friends, if only our paths would cross. Even if this particular fantasy isn’t on your mind, my advice is this: Behave as you would if celebrity were not a factor. If you regularly bring new neighbors cookies, don’t be embarrassed to bring them to your famous ones. But if you wouldn’t normally ask a child you didn’t know for a playdate, don’t do so with a celebaby, since you clearly have ulterior motives. If a friendship is meant to be (and you know it is, you smart, hip, funny thing, you!), it will happen organically.

For the holidays, my husband surprised me with a weeklong Caribbean vacation for just the two of us in February. The problem is, I am not ready to leave my one-year-old son behind. I just can’t. How do I tell him?

You don’t. You get over it. Ask a grandparent to watch your son (or find a great babysitter) and trust that your child will be okay. Although you don’t realize it yet, you need time away. The fact that you feel like you can’t leave probably means you need it even more than you think. You’ve forgotten about yourself and about the importance of your relationship with your husband (who clearly needs a break too). It’s not that I’m not sympathetic; I know you’ll miss your little guy. Call home every day if you need to, but take advantage of this opportunity to relax.

My six-year-old son is begging to sleep over at his best friend’s house. Is he old enough?

While every child is different, most have their first sleepover sometime between ages 7 and 10. But before you pack up your son’s sleeping bag and gleefully envision a Phineas and Ferb-free morning, make sure to do your due dilligence. Do you know the other parents well? Have you been to their home before? Who exactly will be there? If you’re not familiar with the family, get to know them and their home before you drop off your son. And let your child know that it’s okay if he gets homesick or scared during the night. Assure him that he can call you or come home at any time.

To save money, I dress my seven-month-old son in his older sister’s hand-me-downs, most of which are pink or otherwise feminine-looking. Is this bad? Will it scar him in some way?

No, it won’t scar him! Go ahead and dress him in a pink shirt. What an infant wears is soley a reflection of the parent, not the tot. So your son wearing puffed shoulders simply means that he has a practical, frugal parent. What could be wrong with that? Yes, everyone will think your little boy is a little girl, but does it really matter? It takes two seconds to explain, “Oh, he’s a boy. He’s just wearing his sister’s hand-me-downs.” He’ll look chic; you’ll look smart.

IN A QUANDARY? E-mail your parenting questions to our columnist at kids@timeoutny.com.