There's a first time for everything

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3TO9

It's a beautiful spring day, time to share your passion for the ballpark. Picture this: You pack your kids up, brave the schlep to Yankee Stadium or Shea (apparently there are still some Mets fans in this city), and then spend the next hour trying to get them the least bit interested in the action waaaaaaay down on the field. Look, until kids care about the subtleties of the hit-and-run or at least start worshipping the players, baseball is…boring. Sure, you might save the day with four ice creams (for them) and as many lukewarm Buds (for you), but one off-putting outing could set this all-important bonding experience back years. If you really want your kids to cultivate a love of the game, start out by taking them to a place where you don't have to depend on the action to hold their interest.

Picture this: a view of the parachute jump beyond right field; Deno's Wonderwheel and the Cyclone itself just past left. During the ball game, Sandy the Seagull (yep, a big fluffy bird) leads the cheers, and his sidekick, Pee Wee (a little fluffy bird), works the kids in the stands with autographs and hugs. Meanwhile, MC Party Marty grabs kids and grown-ups alike to participate in frozen T-shirt contests, karaoke and relay races.

We're talking about the Coney Island Cyclones, the Mets' single-A farm team, who play in a new park right by the boardwalk (for a schedule, go to www.brooklyncyclones.net). When the kids get bored—and you know they will—there's even a playground on the premises.

First solo subway ride

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11 TO 14

Just consider letting your child take the train by himself, and memories of your own subway experiences are guaranteed to take a morbid turn. What happens if he slips through the door just in time to realize he's headed to Queens, not Fifth Avenue? What if she runs into a creepy guy in a nearly empty car and can't shake him? What if—(fill in the blank)? So how do you ever let them go it alone? As one downtown mom who put into play a plan we love says: "Teaching your kid to ride the subway is the urban equivalent of the learner's permit. Just do it with them, over and over, until they get it right." Start by tacking a subway map on the wall and quiz your kids constantly until they really get the city and the system. Which streets run north? South? Where is your street in relation to each line? Then, let them figure out the routes to get wherever you need to go and, no matter how wacky it is, shut up and try it together. Later, discuss the alternatives. Finally, load up their backpacks with MetroCards, subway maps and cell phones, and let them go—but follow ten feet behind.

"I shadowed my two girls for three weekends in a row," says that ingenious mom, Lynn Mercado. "I only stepped in once, when one of them was about to get on a train going the wrong way. But mostly I bit my tongue, even when they went up to the street to ask for directions." When you get home, talk about what they did well, and what they could have handled differently. "It was still painful," says Mercado of the first time she let her girls go by themselves. "But we all felt confident that they could handle it."

First bra

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10 TO 14

If you're the one who wears the bra in your family, you should be ultraqualified to fit your blossoming preteen, right? Uh, think again. As far as she's concerned, what you know could fit in a 32 AAA-cup. As one Chelsea mom put it: "My daughter didn't want me anywhere near her. She just stood in the middle of the dressing room and rejected everything I brought in to her. It was awful." Enter our friends at the Gap. Every Gap Body carries styles suitable for preteens and trains its employees to fit girls in them. "We know what we're doing and have the added advantage of knowing what the kids want," says a manager from the Flatiron location (122 Fifth Ave between 17th and 18th Sts). And when your daughter is ready to graduate from practical sports bra to pretty push-up bra? Skip the trip to Saks and let her head to Victoria's Secret instead. Why not? She's likely to end up there anyway, according to one manager: "The girls come in packs after school. They want to buy the really sexy stuff, but we're pretty good about helping them get what fits and is comfortable." Our (relieved) Chelsea mom agrees: "The saleswoman treated my daughter professionally and made her feel like she was a woman." Yes, a woman. Sigh.

First haircut: Hers

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1TO6

For girls, try asking your own stylist if he or she will do the honors. If that doesn't work, call Insitu (77 Irving Pl at 19th and Irving Sts, 212-533-1130), a grown-up salon we know is friendly to kids, and ask for J.D. The cuts are $40, but he's worth every penny. As one mom put it, "He's charming and gorgeous and made my daughter feel like a princess." If your little girl's ready to lop off her long tresses, he'll also help you donate the hair to Locks of Love, a nonprofit organization that provides hairpieces to kids under 18 who suffer from medical hair loss (www.locksoflove.org). Bottom line: No matter where you go, remember to bring a camera, some tissues (for when those curls hit the floor) and a Ziploc (so you can bring them home).

First haircut: His

Zeke Fine had his first haircut at Chelsea Barbers; now he's a regular.

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2TO3

Around the two-year mark, it happens. Those sweet baby curls you've been cultivating morph into a perpetual bad-hair day. It's time for the first haircut. There are lots of great places, like Snippy's, Kids' Cuts and Cozy's Cuts for Kids, that cater exclusively to the youngest set, but the experience will be about as much fun for you as having a hole drilled in your head. Save these for later, when you need to bribe your young brute with vintage-auto chairs, bubbles, movies, even Nintendo. Head to a barbershop instead, where the novelty of cutting a toddler's hair provides a welcome change of pace for those who spend their days with adults. For boys, we recommend Chelsea Barbers (465 W 23rd St between Ninth and Tenth Aves, 212-741-2254), where the staff is gentle with kids and parents (they'll let your toddler sit in your lap and are more than willing to pose for a photo or two). They give a great cut for $25. But the best part? The shop is seriously photogenic, complete with barber pole, striped smocks and chrome-and-leather chairs. Hey, the Fab Five used them, why shouldn't you?

First Saturday-night sitter

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4TO6
MONTHS

We know how it goes. For a few months, staring at your newborn is a more satisfying Saturday-night date than orchestra seats for Avenue Q. But inevitably the day hits when you've got to get out of the house. Just the two of you. Now. Then you stare at your newborn for a few more Saturday nights while you dread finding that first nighttime sitter. Well, relax and make some plans, already. There really are people out there who can put that baby to sleep as well as you (well, almost). First, check out your local preschool—many assistant teachers are highly trained but not highly paid, and would welcome a chance to make some extra cash. You can also post sitter requests on any of the local college websites. But truthfully, if it's a college student you're after, there's no reason to search further than Barnard and sittercity.com. The Barnard Babysitting Service (212-854-2035 or eclipse.barnard.columbia. edu/~bbsitter/) has been around since 1965, and it's the hands-down favorite of the parents we polled. "No other school is so organized," says one West Village mom. "We just posted a few times and now we have three great sitters we use over and over again."

And then there's the new kid on the block: sittercity. com, a site started in Boston three years ago that's just recently moved into the New York market. Billed as a "dating service for parents and sitters," sittercity.com costs $40 to join and $5 a month thereafter, and is incredibly simple to use. Just join, post your job and wait for the e-mail responses to pour in. "It saved our lives," says an East Village mom. "Now we have an early-childhood-psychology major and a nursing major we use all the time, and our daughter loves them both." Note: Sittercity.com doesn't screen the sitters on its site, so it's up to you to check references and then meet with possible candidates.

First cell phone

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9TO13

Go ahead, swear your kids are never going to get cell phones. You'll change your mind as soon as your newly minted middle-schooler climbs on a crosstown bus alone for the first time. And then you'll give thanks you did, every single time you get a call because he's turned around downtown and needs help, or she doesn't think the cab driver is going in the right direction, or his subway has broken down and he can't find a cab. And all those calls might even make up for the first astronomical bill you get because he's exceeded his minutes, downloaded pricey game demos, or lost his phone for the third time in three weeks. When you're ready to start shopping, just keep in mind a few warnings from parents who've learned the ropes the hard way. First, consider signing up for text messaging. For about $5 per month, most wireless companies will provide unlimited text messaging, which is usually more cost-effective than providing them with enough minutes to talk with their friends. If you don't include it in your plan, you may be charged for each message they send and receive—a scary thought. Also, watch out for the Web: Many phones come ready to download games and tones, which, depending on your plan, can cost anywhere from $1 to $4 a month. Sound like small potatoes? Maybe, until you consider that Verizon alone offers around 20 different tones and dozens of games in about seven different categories. You do the math….

First bike ride

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5TO8

Learning to ride a bike is a universal rite of passage—but it presents some unique challenges for New York City kids. Example: Suburban tykes have quiet streets and parking lots to wobble around in, but where do we go when it's time to take off the training wheels yet too soon to join the Lance Armstrong wannabes circling Central Park? A few suggestions: Start your child's cycling career by skipping the trip to Toys "R" Us, and get her fitted for her first bike at a local bike store instead. The staffers are not only trained to fit kids properly, they're also likely to have loads of neighborhood tips about where to go and what to do. "I send first-timers to the little playground behind Stuyvesant High School because there's a little loop where they can do laps until they get steady," says Ismael Torres, a manager at Tribeca's Gotham Bikes (112 West Broadway between Duane and Reade Sts, 212-732-2453). You can also head to Hudson River Park, which has many small nooks and quiet crannies perfect for the young biker. (One parent who works for the park suggested the pedestrian walkway between the bike path and the river just north of the Trapeze School; see www.hudson riverpark.com.) Finally, when everyone's feeling fairly stable, try this ride-and-read excursion, courtesy of Diane Goodwin, one of many who answered the request we posted on the New York Cycle Club's website for a family-friendly ride (www.nycc.org): Pick up a copy of The little Red lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge ($8, Harcourt), a children's book by Hildegarde Hoyt Swift, then start riding up the West Side bike path from anywhere in Manhattan. Continue until you get to the George Washington Bridge, under which you'll find that little red lighthouse. Then stop and read all about how, when the government wanted to tear it down, a bunch of New York kids came to the rescue. "There's plenty to see all the way up, including the Intrepid, tennis and basketball courts, and the houseboats at the 79th Street Boat Basin," Goodwin says. "The best part is that there are Parks Department bathrooms all along the way."

First piercing

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0TO14

We've got two words for you: piercing parlor. Think about it—who knows more about safe, painless and good-looking piercings than the people who do an average of 30 a day? "Kids are fascinated by the parlors because there's so much to see," says Bianca Parry, owner of Cassioppia and Andromeda, two popular downtown piercing places. "And parents like that we take sterilization very seriously." That's great, but come on, they're also just cooler. "Piercing should be a ritual, and bringing our girls to a piercing parlor where everyone is tattooed and pierced made it feel like one," says one downtown dad. "Who wants to do the gun thing at a doctor's office or a mall?" His nine-year-old daughter's ear-piercing (pun intended) scream sent a prospective patron fleeing out Cassioppia's door in terror. But she was just screaming in anticipation; the actual piercing was nearly painless, and the staff was so nice that she plans to return, as soon as her father lets her, to get a second hole in her left ear. Andromeda Body Piercing & Tattoo Studio 33 St. Marks Pl between Second and Third Aves, 212-505-9408; Cassioppia Body Piercing & Tattoo Studio 38 W 8th St between MacDougal St and Sixth Ave, 212-979-9652. Piercings range from $15 to $60, depending on the earrings you choose.

First musical instrument

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6TO8

Rachel Trachtenburg, a drumming dynamo, takes on the bass guitar. (For more on our cover girl, see Link.)

Hair and makeup: Cheyenne; photo assistant: Susan Pittard

Tiny children bowing mini violins—how irresistible! But according to Sean Hartley, head of the Lucy Moses School Dalcroze program, parents often push their baby Mozarts into music lessons way too soon, leading to un-Mozart-like tears and, ultimately, a music-hating child. Hartley advises watching for these markers of first-instrument readiness: emotional and intellectual maturity, and fine-motor skills. If a kid can construct an elaborate fort without throwing a tantrum, has grown adept with scissors and crayons, and is past the princess-ballerina fantasy-play phase and focusing on early reading, it's time. Guitar—the hot choice for young MTV viewers—takes a greater level of coordination than piano or violin. For brass and flute, the wait's even longer.

Then there's the question of what to buy. In a word, don't. "Rent or borrow till you're sure your child wants to continue," says Hartley. (New York Piano Center rates start at $55 a month; call 212-229-2600). When you're ready, buy as good an instrument as you can afford. Some music retailers sell used ones; a few have buyback programs: When your child's ready for a full-size violin (usually around fourth grade), you can sell back the junior version for half what you paid. (BMC Music Source, in Bethel, Connecticut, offers used and buyback options, plus online buying advice; go to www.bmcmusicsource.com.)

If space is precious—this is New York—think twice before you bring home a close substitute for a large instrument. For example, says Hartley, "A lot of parents do electronic keyboards first. But it's a mistake to think that learning on a keyboard transfers to the real thing." In other words, if you live in a one-bedroom, think recorder.—Barbara Aria

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