Bad seeds, big apple

Q My three-year-old daughter is really excited about going trick-or-treating this Halloween. The only problem is, we don’t allow her to eat anything with sugar in it. Any ideas on how she can have her candy, but not eat it too?

A This is a struggle for so many health-conscious parents. Kids love Halloween, but candy is bad for them. Fortunately, this is not a problem in my house, because my daughter, who is eight years old, still does not know that Halloween exists. How, you ask, did we keep it from her? Simple: We didn’t tell her about it. “Didn’t she learn about it on television?” you then ask. Simple again: We don’t let her watch any television, nor is she allowed to read magazines or books, or listen to the radio. Still, you with the questions, yammer on, “What about her friends—didn’t they tell her about Halloween?” No, because she has no friends. We have made sure of that by not letting her wash and raising her to be unfriendly and rude. “Wow,” you then say, kind of uncomfortably. Well, go ahead and judge, but at least my little girl doesn’t have candy corn stuck in her teeth and high-fructose corn syrup running through her veins. Instead, she is being raised on a healthy diet of oatmeal, dead bugs and pennies. Good luck with your little one!