Private kindergarten

Much of what you’ve heard is true: The application process for private schools is a little absurd and can feel like a full-time job. A good sanity saver? Keep the number of schools you apply to as low as you can (your preschool director can guide you to a realistic number), as it’s easy for your child—and you—to burn out on the process. “It’s unbelievable what a time commitment it is,” says Shereen Russell, whose two daughters are both now at Chapin. “I couldn’t make it to the last interview—I was just too tired.”

Getting started

Considering that kindergarten tuition can run you a mind-blowing $30,000 (most schools offer aid packages), private school isn’t an impulse buy. Start culling your list about 18 months before your child will enter kindergarten. To do that, ask yourself what’s most important to you and your family: location? reputation? teaching philosophy? single-sex or coed? Your nursery school director should be able to help. “The teachers and I work with parents to help figure out their child’s learning style and to talk through their options,” says West Side Montessori’s Basso. “The better armed parents are with information, the lower their anxiety.”

It also helps to keep an open mind. Many parents start the process sure that school X is their top choice but decide after doing their research that school Y is a better fit for their child. Spend some informal time at the schools, too. Attend a school play, ask to sit in on a parent association meeting, observe a morning drop-off or an afternoon pickup to get a real sense of what being a family at that school is like.

Admissions

Not unlike college admissions, there are a lot of hoops to jump through in the private kindergarten application process. Here’s an overview:

The test
Your child will take the Educational Records Bureau (ERB) exam in the spring or summer before she applies. She can take the test at her nursery school, if offered (ideal, since she’s familiar with the setting), or at an ERB testing center. The test costs about $400, though some schools allow you to apply for a waiver.

The tour
This is your opportunity to scope out the school. Look at the facilities and the equipment that may be available for, say, sports or art, so you can understand what the school offers besides the academic work. Also, pay attention to the parents standing next to you. “These are the people who you may be with for the next 13 years,” says Amanda Uhry, of Manhattan Private School Advisors. “If you don’t like them now, you won’t like them later.”

The tour is also a chance for you to make an impression. “I made sure that I went to the front and was always, always visible. Not in an obnoxious way but just so they saw that I was enthusiastic and interested,” says a Brooklyn mom whose daughter is now at Packer.

The essay
The golden rule of essay writing: Don’t lie about or exaggerate your kid’s capabilities. “The schools are looking to make sure you have a realistic picture of your child and that the picture is somewhat in line with what the school reports say and how the child acts in the visits,” says Robin Aronow, Ph.D., an education consultant at School Search NYC. “Rather than giving a whole list of adjectives, tell an anecdote that brings your child to life.”

“I tried to point out my son’s positive qualities with stories that showed how he was a loyal friend and a quick learner,” says Rebecca Banerji, a West Side mom of Julian, 6, and Beverly, 4, whose son is enrolled at Collegiate. “I didn’t say that he’s the most brilliant child in the world, because as much as we think he’s a great kid, he’s not the most brilliant child in the world.”

The interview
You’ve been on a job interview, right? Then you know how to act in an admissions interview—turn off your cell phone, avoid touchy subjects like politics and religion (unless it’s a religious school), be on time, dress appropriately. Both parents (if both are in the picture) should be present. Aronow suggests you take turns answering the questions so the admissions director gets a sense of your family.

Here again is a chance for you to find out more about the school. “Ask questions, but don’t ask questions that are obvious or covered in the brochure,” says Levey. “You might ask about how the school fosters leadership or helps kids grow up in a global world.”

As for preparing your child? “ I tried to make sure Julian got enough sleep the night before and ate a good breakfast. Short of that, it’s out of your control,” says Banerji.

Extra credit

There are conflicting opinions about whether being involved in your nursery school improves your odds in the kindergarten race. One mom in Brooklyn swears that her design of the school’s website got her child a glowing recommendation from the director, which made all the difference. Admissions directors say that volunteering certainly can’t hurt and may help them get to know you and your family better, but they note that it isn’t necessarily an ace in the hole.

Insider tip

Even if you think you’ve got the world’s most influential connection, never, ever name-drop—and don’t ask Mr. Big to write an additional reference letter for your kid. Both tactics can backfire, says Uhry, if the person isn’t well liked at the school. You should, however, write a first-choice letter to your top pick if the school allows them (some don’t), but try to keep it short and sweet. “The letter should say that if your child is accepted, you’ll enroll. Add in a few specific reasons why the school is your first choice,” says Goldman.

True, the nursery school and kindergarten gantlets are stressful and time-consuming, but in the end your dedication, anxiety and effort will pay off. Most children wind up at a school where they and their parents are happy. So take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and start thinking about how to get your child into college. Kidding. (Sort of.)