Back Talk

Illustration: Amy Chapman

A parent at our preschool came up to me and accused my daughter of biting her son (on the butt, no less). My kid denied it, and the mother admitted there was no mark on the boy. I said that it didn’t sound like my tot—she’s a pusher/shover, not a biter—and we left it at that. Or so I thought. The next time I dropped off my daughter, the teacher told me the mother had been asking what she was going to do about the situation. Now this parent is hounding me and others every day about something that may not have even happened. What do I do?

Tell her you’ve spoken to your daughter about biting and treating her peers with respect, and assure the mom she won’t be aggressive toward the boy (which should be easy if she wasn’t in the first place). If the mother pursues the issue—I’m guessing she wants an admission of guilt and an apology from your daughter—say that you totally understand where she’s coming from and that you would do the same thing if you thought your child had been hurt by a classmate. But explain the tricky position you’re in: With no proof of a butt munching (finally! a reason for me to write butt munching in a public forum) and a denial from your daughter, you’d have to force her to repent, thereby eroding your parent-child trust. Tell the mom you’re so sorry that her son was hurt (without implicating your daughter) and that you hope a playdate between the two kids—if they’re willing—might help patch things up.

Then rest assured that this woman’s tattling and pushy, Mama Bear tactics will come back someday to bite her on her you-know-what.

My three-year-old and I were at a Ziggy Marley concert when a familiar herbal odor wafted our way. My son seemed not to notice, so I didn’t address it. Should I have?

Being unprepared for marijuana smoke at a Ziggy Marley concert is like being surprised by all the screaming kids at a Dan Zanes show. But this is one instance when I back the “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. Unless your son expresses curiosity about the smell or the activities of his elevated fellow concertgoers, it’s best to wait until he’s five or six years old to discuss drugs. For now, just lay the groundwork by establishing the importance of healthy habits: eating good food, exercising, brushing your teeth.

I know some readers out there are asking, “But isn’t cannabis illegal? Shouldn’t she have done something?!?” I’m not saying I condone smoking pot, but it’s not your job to scold a doobie brother. What you can do, though, is move to another seat—or leave. Contact highs are not a myth, and all secondhand smoke is unhealthy for sensitive little lungs.

In a quandry? E-mail your question to kids@timeoutny.com.

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