Back Talk

My seven-year-old tells me she and her “boyfriend” are going to kiss on Valentine’s Day. I can’t imagine that this is anything more than harmless play or even make-believe. Still, should I talk to the boy’s parents?

It may or may not be child’s play, and it probably doesn’t matter much whether the kiss happens. What matters is that your kid is entering a stage where kissing is a possibility, even if only in her own mind. So she is the person you should talk to, not the boy’s parents. Ask her questions about the lip-lock to find out where she’s coming from: Does she want to kiss him? How do you kiss somebody? What does it mean? Whose idea was it? Address her individual issues, assure her that she doesn’t need a boyfriend to be cool or worthwhile, and hand her the crap about kisses being special and saved for people you love. Try not to tell her what she should do (i.e., stay in her room until she’s 18), and avoid teasing (“Grandma, did you hear? Annie has a boyfriend—ooh la la!”). Let her know that you trust her to make good decisions, and maybe she will, whether it’s this V-Day or her prom night in ten years.

I live in the Slope and let my kids watch TV and eat chips (sometimes at the same time!). I’m afraid to admit this to anyone in my nabe for fear of public stoning, but I’m desperate for like-minded friends. Are there any other TV-watching, junk-food-eating good moms out there?

What’s your number!?! Let’s get our kids together, put Dora on repeat and give ’em a tub of Costco party mix. That should leave us plenty of time to think of comebacks to parents who say “We don’t do juice” when we offer their tot a box of apple.

But wait—what if most Park Slope moms are really like us? What if, like me, they only give their kids organic dried pear chips out on the playground because they’re ashamed of the Goldfish they offer at home? What if they refuse to let their sons leave the house in their favorite Elmo or Ben 10 shirt out of embarrassment that their children recognize a commercial character, let alone that they buy into the franchise?

Consider this: A few weeks ago, in a moment of tipsy late-night (you know, 8:30pm) weakness over dinner with parent friends, I copped to how my preschoolers watch an unmentionable amount of television per day. My kids can’t say their full names yet, but they can sing along to the opening jingles of Sesame Street, Fireman Sam and Barney & Friends.

But the miraculous thing? Our guests—intelligent, progressive moms—admitted that their articulate, non-obese toddler spends an even more unmentionable chunk of his day in front of the TV. When your kid is up long before the sun and you have to get ready for work, empty the dishwasher and put in two loads of laundry, wood blocks and Scrabble Jr. just don’t cut it.

While our friends live in Carroll Gardens—and we know what parenting heathens those folks are—maybe there are more like them in the Slope than we think! Because although I have bins full of Plan toys, a fridge stocked with organic milk, $15 BPA-free sippy cups and other accessories typical of the Park Slope Mom, I’m really a complete fraud. And it sounds like you are too. Perhaps we’re all frauds. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

In a quandry? E-mail your question to kids@timeoutny.com.