Back Talk

Illustration: Brendan Leach

My son’s best friend’s mother frequently cancels play dates. She’s a single mom and I realize her life is overwhelming, but my child always ends up disappointed. What should I do?

You’re right that single moms deserve all the breaks they can get. I’ll bet, though, that this person doesn’t realize how her actions affect your child. Be honest with your flaky friend and ask her to give you plenty of notice if she needs to bail, since your little boy so looks forward to the play dates. But try not to call her out on anything. All mothers—single or not—are seasoned guilt-trip travelers, so there’s no need to send her on another excursion.

I feel bad that guests have to bring two gifts to my six-year-old twins’ upcoming birthday party. How should I request that they only spend a small amount on each child?

You could set a no-gifts policy, but you can’t dictate how much guests spend on the presents they do bring. That would be akin to writing “No tacky plastic, light-up toys, please” at the bottom of the invite, as much as you might like to make that request. I doubt any of the parents are grumbling that they have to buy two gifts. You have two kids, after all, who deserve birthday booty just as much as their buddies do. Let people take pleasure in choosing toys, books or clothes for your twins.

I have a five-week-old, and lots of family and friends have been coming to visit. The problem—they always stay too long! How do I politely get them to leave?

Being social is tough when you’re exhausted and thinking about all the stuff you need to do before the baby wakes up. After an hour—the maximum time anyone should visit a new parent, unless they’re doing your laundry—say, “Thanks for visiting. It was so kind of you to come. The baby needs to nap now and so do I.” It’s the truth. Plus, new moms and dads have a six-month grace period during which they’re excused for less-than-gracious hosting behavior.

Is it part of a nanny’s job to cook and clean for the family? I get conflicting answers from all my mom friends!

Preparing food for your kids (and I’m talking easy stuff like mac and cheese) and light child-related cleaning (the baby’s laundry) are standard nanny duties. If you want someone to scrub your floors, hire a housekeeper. I’ve often heard the argument, “My child naps for two hours a day, and my nanny watches TV! I don’t get a two-hour break at my job.” True, but she’s also there should your baby wake up—or if there’s an emergency. That’s what you’re paying her for. It’s called taking care of your child when you can’t, and it’s a tough job.

In a quandry? E-mail your parenting questions to our columnist at kids@timeoutny.com.

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